We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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