I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to walk on stilts...naked
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
