i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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