They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have fence marks all over my body
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
