he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
