a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This is my gift to your gina
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
