The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
