my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
