i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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