trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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