it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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