Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
