doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
