I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
