I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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