Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
