So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
