My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drake has all the answers
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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