Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
