Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I know her cup size but not her name....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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