Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
