At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
