Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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