If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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