I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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