Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
