OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
