She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
