i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
