last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
