a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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