Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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