I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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