he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
