dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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