If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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