She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
