Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
