I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
