Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
