I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
