The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
