For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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