I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
