it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
