She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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