The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
