this beer tastes like vomit already
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
