i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
