I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
