there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
