That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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